The Secret’s Out

It was an excruciating secret. I hid it deep in my heart, protected from shame and ridicule. Only Jesus knew it was there, but that was about to change.

My doctor had given me devastating news. I, who wanted so badly to have children, would never be a father.

I was brokenhearted. "How could you do this to me, Lord?" I railed. "Why?"

For years, I vasillated between doubt and faith, torture and peace.

Eventually, I met a woman whom I wanted to marry. I shared my secret, hoping that somehow my love could be enough for her.

"Why should I stay with you?" she seethed. "This is your problem, and I'm not going to make it mine. I never want to see you again!"

Suddenly, everyone in my town knew I couldn’t have children. It was like she had grabbed a megaphone and shouted it to the world. In my culture, this condition is considered shameful, so imagine my humiliation. It was my worst nightmare come true!

I was surprised to find that her rejection drove me closer to God. I started to pray more, immerse myself in His Word, and hold onto His promises. I began to heal.

In time, I met another woman, Hanaa Eid, and the two of us fell in love. She accepted me as I was and happily became my wife.

Now, instead of me wrestling alone with God, Hanaa Eid and I petitioned His throne together, pleading that if it was His will, He would bless us with a child. Her faith was tenacious. She often reminded me that “whatever is impossible in the eyes of the people can never be impossible in the sight of God.”

Three years ago, we had a baby boy!

Prayer has become the most powerful force in my life, and not just because God eventually gave me the desire of my heart. He taught me to trust Him while in the throes of longing. I learned that if He didn’t answer my prayers the way I wanted, it was because He had a better plan for me. I became certain that He listened, that He was good, and that He cared.

It was while I was still struggling with God about my desire for children that He called me to become a Global Mission pioneer. I began visiting families in my community and met people with their own bitter secrets. My heart went out to them, and I found I could empathize with their pain because of my own experience.

Through God's grace, I planted a church and formed a prayer team with some of the new believers. When I visit community members, I ask them whether there’s anything they’d like us to pray for. I also ask whether they have neighbors, friends, or family members who are facing challenges and if so, I visit them and we pray for them too. I try to keep a record of each person's needs so we can help meet them.

I don’t think there’s any way that I could have become a true missionary without going through my painful experience. Never could I have imagined that God would take something so dark and painful and turn it into a wellspring of light and joy—reviving not only my own withered hopes but also those of my fellow sufferers.

The faith that God grew in me He now uses to bolster others. When they’re too discouraged to bring their needs and longings to Jesus, our prayer team embraces them and lifts them to His throne.

My secret now sings His praise.